My ‘wobble’ day
Written by our lovely Muddy, Claire Thompson
Wow...last year, 2020, flew by like no other! I heard a lot of people ‘complain’ about it, but if they did to me, I would simply say, “Would you of wanted such a difficult year to go slower?”
People who know me tend to say that I am bubbly and positive. Generally, I am. I was shown how to appreciate the small things in life and to be grateful for everything by my wonderful parents. I am a ‘glass pretty full’ type of girl. Also, I was taught to see that when there are tough times/situations, good will always come of it, even if you do not see it for a while. I can never be grateful enough for these crucial life skills. They have been tested many times!
My amazing dad devastatingly passed away out of the blue nearly six years ago and I began my journey with Chronic Illness, Ulcerative Colitis from that day. On recently telling mum over the phone, how grateful I was to them for these skills, she said “Love, please do not underestimate what comes from you.”
I always try to think of two positive thoughts for every negative one and it really helps! I also make sure that I do things that make me feel good, like listening to upbeat music, going for a stomp in the countryside, gardening, listening to comedy, chatting to mum or a good friend.
Today though, I feel anxious, worried, down, confused and frustrated… my first real ‘wobble’ day in nearly a year of the Covid 19 pandemic!
The reason being that we have had a recent local sharp spike in ‘positive’ Covid cases. I found out during a cleaning shift at the Supermarket, that a lot were through people mixing when they should not have been! Also, some of their family members who lived with them, were still ‘out and about’, when they should have been isolating at home.
“Selfish, stupid, idiots,” I thought crossly.
To make me feel worse, I had just been told that three staff members were off work waiting for test results! I tried some of my usual ‘pick me up’ tactics, but they were not working. I went outside to empty the bins and litter pick, gratefully and deeply sucking in the cool fresh air. Then the ‘traffic light’ main shop door system said in a robotic lady's voice, “It is now safe to enter the store.” (I had better not write my reply to that!).
My ‘wobble’ was, unfortunately, turning into a ‘topple’...
I aired my feelings to a colleague who it turns out, felt the same. Always good to share these things when possible, but we sadly felt no better. I had recently read that up to 60% of illness was related to stress. I tried hard to not get stressed and deal with it as well as possible. I was very aware that it could cause my illness to ‘flare’. I so did not want that to happen again. (Been there and got too many unwanted ‘t-shirts’!).
Continually going out to work during the pandemic was not always easy and worry levels varied in myself and others. So, so much harder for thousands of other people though. I often thought of them.
On leaving work and on the brink of tears, I messaged my second employer, where I was due to go shortly. I explained how worried I was about possibly picking up the virus and unknowingly passing it on to someone there. Especially the vulnerable adults I work with. He was so understanding and suggested I did some work from home. This felt like such a relief. After a calming shower, healthy breakfast and another coffee, I had my first appraisal in that job, via Zoom. It went very well and I started to feel more positive again. Later on I found out that all three staff members from my other job, had had negative test results. Phew!
The following day, I felt a lot better and after my early morning cleaning again, I decided to have a clear out of unwanted items at home. I made 3 piles;
1) to sell.
2) for the local Homeless charity.
3) for charity shops.
A good de-clutter always makes me feel good!
On reflection of 2020 positives, I am so grateful to still have all my wonderful family and friends. In fact, a couple of my colleagues and I have become firm friends, because we opened up to each other during this difficult time.
Also, very surprisingly, was the first year in over 5, that I have not been on loads of medication, sometimes including steroids. Astonishingly, my base medication (for life), had actually been halved in the summer of 2020 too, for the first time ever! I have learned to rest and learned to listen to my body's ‘whispers’, like mouth ulcers, fatigue, abdominal pain, blepharitis etc. I have my ‘muddy’ friends from Muddy Care to thank for a lot! Through their support, advice and friendship, from bravely sharing their own varying Chronic Illness experiences. Love you all and cannot wait until we are ‘allowed’ to meet up again!
So, I will continue to sing and hum along to the Supermarket radio, saying ‘Good morning’ and ‘Hello’ to people, having a laugh with colleagues and smiling at strangers. (You never know whose day you might make by simple gestures!).